Mens Health Month: The Mana Tane Project
June is Men’s Health month, and we used this as an opportunity to create a conversation around men’s mental health, specifically discovering strength through facing adversity.
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable by sharing stories of adversity makes it okay for others to do the same. Sharing times of struggle can be incredibly freeing and empowering & creates the space for support. It inspires others who are experiencing similar hardships to have hope that things can and will get better - and that they have the strength within them to overcome it and thrive.
It also allows us to really SEE people. For who they are and what they have been through, which builds incredibly strong connections and relationships.
We are incredibly grateful to be part of a community who have found strength in unity, and were willing to share their own stories of overcoming adversity in an effort to shine the light for others.
Mana Tane: Josh
“A strong man to me is one that is resilient. A strong man doesn't complain about the obstacles that life puts in front of him. Instead he finds solutions and is gracious that he has the opportunity to be tested.
In my second year of university I was diagnosed with clinical depression. This year of my life was the hardest I have ever experienced. I felt alone in a degree that I had no passion for. I felt isolated from the rest of my peers that seemed to be having the time of their lives. It took a complete 180 for me to get back on track. With the support of my family and friends I decided to start again and study physiotherapy. Ever since, each year has been better than the last.
I would have not have made it through that year without my training. It was the one escape where I wasn't stuck in my own head. Training continues to be such an integral part of maintaining my mental health. I am so grateful that I have some of the best people getting stronger together at propolis.”
Mana Tane: Bernd
"For me the biggest adversity to overcome was the feeling of not belonging, of there being something wrong with me, of being the punchline of a bad joke. And no, not because I am ginger.
I grew up in a small town in a very conservative country in the 80s. This was before the internet and any support other than your family and friends, who all were, of course, straight. I grew up hearing people (mostly guys) calling others f*g because someone might not be athletic enough, strong enough or just “man” enough. But the biggest struggle was the internal one – of not wanting to feel the way I did and trying to change. Which of course was not possible, because being gay is not a choice.
Fast-forward a few years. I met my first boyfriend and I came out to my family and friends who were very supportive. I feel very blessed in this regard, because not everyone is so lucky and gets accepted by the people they love. But even after coming out and all that support, I still had the self-perception of being less worthy than “normal” people, because I’d been told so all my life. I didn’t want people to know I was gay because I didn’t want them to think less of me.
It’s taken years of self-reflection and finding pride in who I am to become the confident and whole person I am today. I have achieved this through being loved and accepted by the people around me, and the role models on TV who have shown me that I am normal, that I do have a place in this world, and that I belong. I am sharing this is because, even today, after all the progress that has been made, teen suicide in the LGBTQ community is still three times the rate of heterosexual teens. It’s important that we are seen. That kids know others share their pain, that they’re not alone in struggling with their sexuality, and that it does get better.
So for me, being strong means standing up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. It means speaking up against casual (or not so casual) discrimination, whether it be racism, homophobia, xenophobia – to say “it’s not a joke”. You never know who is listening...standing up to a bully could save the life of a teenager who struggles with their sexuality."
Mana Tane: Troy
“What being strong means to me is being comfortable when vulnerable, understanding what emotions I might be going through and why. Also being able to share them with the people around me so that I can grow from these experiences and what I learn I can pass on to my son. Being strong is being open and honest with myself.
I think as a Husband, Father and business owner I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best that I can in all aspects of my life. Not wanting to let people down often means I can be hard on myself when I should be more focused on the positive. Knowing this now and being able to reflect back has given me the awareness to understand where my energy is best spent.”
Mana Tane: Julian
“Strength is being courageous and true to yourself in support of others.
The end of my first marriage was the most difficult experience of my life. I went through some very dark times. In the end I was able to survive by reminding myself that sacrificing your own essential happiness was not sustainable and trusting that, in time, everyone would be healthier.”
Mana Tane: Tim
"To me being strong is about not compromising who you are and the things you value most. It is about being unflappable, particularly when dealing with things that are out of your control.
In my first year of engineering school, I was faced with a decision. I failed two papers and had to choose whether I would repeat the papers in order to get accepted into the final 3 years of the degree, or drop out.
Being dyslexic and struggling with reading and writing, it was easy for me to tell myself that University 'was not for me', and that 3 more years would be too hard. In the end, the difficulty of continuing was what made me stay. This was not going to be the last difficult thing I was going to face, so I decided, why not see how hard I can work? I believed that if I failed again, I would have at least learnt how to work for something.
This mindset meant that I worked harder than I ever thought possible. I earned my degree in Mechanical Engineering in 2015 and went on to study a Masters in Engineering Management in 2016. I now have a great job, doing what I am passionate about."
Mana Tane: Mike
"For me personally strength is not a matter of ‘being’ but more so ‘doing’. To me, Strong is more of a verb than an adjective. It describes a code of conduct or a collection of attitudes, behaviours and beliefs.
To be strong is to be accountable, to be persistent, to have perspective, to have integrity, to be lighthearted and to pursue what is meaningful.
To be strong is not to be tough, hard, powerful or ‘manly’ but to embrace vulnerability, which we men tend to avoid. I think that it is through vulnerability that the greatest amount of individual and collective strength is built.
There is no specific event of overcoming adversity that is notable to me, however my biggest struggle to date is dealing with perpetual and at times debilitating anxiety. I have never been able to lastingly overcome my anxiety, but I have been able to temper it.
I have found that the most effective soothing ointments to this anxiety are my friends and family, my perspective, taking all things less seriously, exercise/sport/crossfit, music and learning new things.
I know that most of my anxiety comes from my judgments and perspective of stuff outside my control. I hope that, in time, I can become better at controlling my judgements and perspective … all easier said than done.. Work in progress!"
Mana Tane: Te Whetu
“The foundation for all strength in my eyes is courage. It is developed in those moments that require us to be courageous and do things that push our limits. It maybe just picking up that weight when there maybe a hint of doubt in our mind or stepping up when we don't want to because we risk failing miserably. To me that takes courage, and that's what it means to be strong.”
Believe it or not, one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life was move to Auckland. I'd spent my first 18 years living in Maori dominated communities where I was related to half the town and everyone knew each everyone so I was always comfortable. Moving from Rotorua to Auckland for uni was hell in my eyes, I didn't feel like I fit in there and at the time I was this pale skin Maori boy who felt like a foreigner in my home country. I think it took me a good 18 months to two years to stop looking at trying to move back to the Bay of Plenty (even though I'm still trying to get back to this day). After I had settled in I started remembering everything that it means to be who I am, and be that pale skin Tuhoe boy from the Bush. I actually started using who I was and where I'm from to empower me more than ever. I had come to realisation that it's not for others to know who I am to feel validated but for me to understand who I am and where I come from to feel that. My iwi understand this to be "matemateaone".
Mana Tane: Nick
“At age 24 I had a stroke while on a chairlift in Canada while I was on a skiing/working holiday, and during my time in hospital I made a promise to myself that I would always live life to the fullest from that moment on because it showed me that anything could happen at anytime. Strong to me means being a better you than the day before.”
Mana Tane: Hernan
“To me, strong means resiliency. Knowing that you have created habits around you that allow you to adapt quickly to change whether change means moving city, new job, new challenges.
Probably the most recent thing that happened to me is a good example. I have been playing a football tournament for a few seasons, last one we got to the finals and in the last play I sprained my ankle. We lost by penalties. If you asked me after the game was over what I thinking, I would probably say it was 'how we will win the next tournament?' Now we are in the finals again! ”
Mana Tane: Charlie
"For me, strength shines through one’s acceptance and transparency of their weakness.
In 2016, I came to a crossroads where I realised I was not at all content with the life I was living. Struggling with a number of addictions and crippled by severe anxiety, depression and suppressed ghosts of my past, I made the decision to begin opening up to close friends & family. Through this, I began a long journey of re-discovering & healing myself, re-visiting people that I had hurt and began to unpack the distortions that had been created in my mind and heart through counselling, meditation & prayer, and community — finding my Christian Faith along the way.
The journey has not at all been easy. Each day comes with its own trials, but being able to slow down, reflect on, and have immense gratitude for the where I was and the incredible journey that has led me to where I am now, compels me to endure all that is thrown my way and ensure that I am there for others through their battles, too."
“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” — 2 Corinthians 12:10 (NIV)
“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” — James 1:4 (NIV)"
Mana Tane: Jeff
“I joined Propolis for physical strength, I was already old enough and wise enough to know how outer strength supports your inner strength. What I was amazed to find was a strong community exhibiting inner and outer strength. I see these great people showing their vulnerability, sharing encouragement and unconditional support. At Propolis you can find so many role models for strength, male, female, young and older.”
My greatest role model for strength was my father, he was fit, healthy, intelligent, motivated and incredibly accepting of all people. When he got sick suddenly I was 20,000 miles away on the other side of the world. I rushed home and spent four final days with him before he passed. He taught me what it means to be strong outwardly and that strength can often come from the battles we face that others know nothing about.”
Mana Tane: Heathcliff
“Those that think they can and those that think they can't usually both end up being right.
Strength is to carry on doing something when loved ones, professionals and/or not so loved ones tell you to stop, dial it back or look the other way even though it’s the right thing to do.”
A positive example of adversity was when I was told I shouldn't try to run again after my last major knee injury. I started crossfit 4 years ago, completely out of condition, demoralised, overweight and unable to run 100m. After two years of crossfit, recovery, rehab I actually ran 1km around the block in a wod without any consequences the next day. I was worried beforehand and felt good about it afterwards, it was another milestone among many on the "journey". On reflection it was the help and support from others that actually made it meaningful - I am still grateful to the people who helped me.”
Mana Tane: Marcos
"Being strong to me means to have the courage to face difficult moments that life throws at you and to handle those moments in the best possible way, always taking into account important values such as integrity, honesty, respect and honour. Being strong also means to be humble, and to apologise for your mistakes. It means to acknowledge your
weaknesses and seek help.
It was hard for me when I first found out I was going to have a child. I wasn't expecting that and didn't feel I was ready or strong enough to be responsible to bring a little person into this crazy world. It took a lot of courage to go ahead with the decision to have the baby and deal with the issues (emotional and financial) around it. It took me quite some time to understand that my life wasn't only mine anymore.
Now I look back and don't regret anything. It was the best thing that happened to me and it made me a better version of myself. Life makes a lot more sense now."
Mana Tane: Will
“Being mentally and physically strong is important to me as I want to be a positive role model not only for my own children, but my children’s children. Since starting my fitness journey I have grown in a number of ways, I feel happier, healthier and more resilient - I can tackle life’s challenges with confidence.”
Mana Tane: Dan
“To me strength cultivates itself in different ways.
Apart from the scientific meaning of work done or energy transferred per unit of time or the time rate of doing work.
Strength comes when we can embrace fearful situations, and not let them control us. It’s realising that no matter what comes, we’ll be ok and know that this too shall pass. It’s trusting the trial or challenge is leading us to something greater.
Strength is the power to admit fear. To speak up. To be upset. To be angry. To be frustrated. It is the power to be vulnerable.
Strength is the power to say no. Strength is the power to forgive yourself as well as others.
Strength is the power to stand up when no one else does. To not let others influence you and to do what you believe is right.
It is the power you use to describe yourself. It is the power to say who you are, what you believe, and what you want. It is the power to define.
Strength is the power to take control of your life. To remove all things toxic. To rejuvenate yourself. To empower yourself. It is the power to never give up.
Growing up, I went through my own share of hardships, but while they were occurring, I thought them to be normal. It's only now that I look back upon my life that I see that adversity and I have lived side by side for quite a long time.
I was raised in Samoa a small island where everyone knows everyone. At the age of fourteen, with the best intentions of my father I was forced to move to Auckland, New Zealand for a better education. I stayed in a family home, although there was no family there, it was just me. My brothers were living together with their partners elsewhere, my dad was working oversees and my mum was out of the picture. At such a young age I had so much freedom and no set ground rules. But, as Batman says “With great freedom comes great responsibility”. I had to figure out everything on my own, such as, cooking, getting up and getting to and from school, school work, going to bed without an adult telling you to, grocery shopping, adult conversations, etc. Basically everything that an adult should be there to help with. While dealing with all this I was struggling to fit in as well as being extremely homesick. I would skip several days of school each week and head to the gym as that was my happy place. I still managed to get through and go on to finish university with a bachelors and postgrad in Public Relations and communication with the help of some great teachers and family.
At the time I thought that was all normal, but actually adversity was by my side, it taught me that I need to fight for everything that I have—a trait that has gotten me far, but also made me face some circumstances that could have been avoided if I didn’t fight. I’ve learned to stand up for myself in times of uncertainty, but it seems that I mistake everything for adversity and mistakenly think everything is a challenge. Sometimes that leads to me fighting when everything is fine, thus creating a challenge when one wasn’t even present to begin with. It wasn’t until I met my beautiful and loving partner Harriett that I had to address these hardships in order for our relationship to work. I had to open up and be vulnerable in order to address these issues with my father for putting me in that situation and my mother for being out of the picture.
If it wasn’t for adversity and the help of my partner, family and fitness to get through it, I wouldn’t have learned some invaluable lessons. I wouldn’t have learned not to fight against everything as adversity isn’t present in every situation. I wouldn’t have learned that adversity doesn’t present itself to ruin lives, but instead to enrich them. I wouldn’t have learned adversity is necessary to grow.
To those who are struggling with adversity, remember that greatness lies outside your comfort zone, and you should thank adversity, for forcing you out of your comfort zone. Without it, we would never know what it takes to succeed.”